I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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