Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize