FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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