What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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