so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
