Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
