drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You don't make any sense
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