you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
