i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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