Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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