Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
