Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
