i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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