She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
