need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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