my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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