Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
