I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Life is so much better after having sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
