i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize