Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
