My cat gives me a boner
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
