Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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