She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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