well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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