so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
