I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
