i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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