i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize