my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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