I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
