He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
