he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
