i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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