were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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