4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize