shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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