could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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