Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
