where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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