no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
