dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
