i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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