if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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