I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
