She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
