shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
