At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
