At least make sure they are 18
Why
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
