I'm laying in your front yard are you home
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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