Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
