Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
