Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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