I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize