Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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