i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
