Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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