We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was like eating out sand paper
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
