are you still at the devil's house?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
