just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
