He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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