im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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