Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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