I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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