I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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