Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
