Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We left the knife in your bed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
